Shitty things from the people we love.

Another reoccurring post (yes, I am aware that none of those past posts have done anything but occur...no reoccurring...yet) where I discuss the shitty things that my parents say about me. I know they love me and blah blah blah but let's get down to it. My parents are dicks.



Look-alikes

Way back in 2003 when I was a senior in high school, I got my senior portraits taken. I did the same thing that most kids did which was go with the school hired photographer. The first shoot turned out fine but my mom looks at the contact sheet and says " maybe we should do another round. Okay. The pics were sub par maybe she was just citing the law of averages like maybe you'll take an even better picture.

I go to fucking Pasadena to this guys studio and to make matters worse my mom gave me the clothes to wear including some shit that not even Paula Abdul would wear. Things couldn't get much worse.

And then he rolled down the faux brick wall. Yes, I took those Sears Family portrait style cheesy as hell look i am just casually posing by this brick wall. I am THE original Backstreet Boy.


Needless to say those pictures turned out worse than the 2nd set. When I showed my mom the contact sheets she starts giggling. I ask her why she is laughing and she points to a picture and tells me I look like Gary Sinise.

Fucking Lieutenant Dan.


THIS GUY




And, I chose a nice picture of the man.

Thanks mom.


One more for the road.


I was asking my parents who/what I should go for Halloween as. Full of helpful suggestions always, my mom tells me that I look JUST LIKE this woman





Hey, she's pretty. Yeah? What was that? She looks familiar? Oh well maybe it's because her murder at the hands of her husband was a national news story. Don't remember her? Murdered when pregnant...something about a boat...decapitation.

Yeah, her.


Once again, thank you mother for telling me that I look like someone who was brutally murdered. The story (un)fortunately doesn't end there. My mother suggests that I go as Laci Peterson for Halloween. Not to be outdone by dad then does an impression.

How do you follow this? Well, if you are my father, it's by telling me that I should be a bear (think giant bear murdering rather than yogi bear). If you're my mom it's by telling me that I should go as a bear mauling victim.

I come from somewhere.