Giving in.

So basically after a lot of people telling me I should actually do shit instead of just amuse myself and waste brain cells, I decided to quell all those voices and voila!...mon blog. I guess this bitch is going to run like my brain does. Random ideas, stories, proof that I am living in a sit com, basically whatever I feel like writing about.

So here goes:


Yesterday English(my friend) and I decided to hit that good shit....I know such surprising revelations....only on days that end in y...at any rate...I swing by her place, pick her up and we drive out to Disneyland. As most suggestions of mine go they involved In-N-Out and safety. So we head through the drive thru(1) and head to the back of the parking lot. Safety is had by all and I proceed to eat my grilled cheese. I am enjoying my cheesy treat when the car radio sputters off and the car shuts down. Interesting. Being a mechanic, I was able to quickly and correctly identify the problem. The car wouldn't start. While this was a good start soon we realized that this was some shit. I mean I don't know shit about cars so when English asked if it was turning over I responded that it's Asian I don't know if it's supposed to turn over. My car buzzes not roars so I only know what bad engine noises sound like on an American car not a pimped out Hitachi Magic Wand.(2) English, the eternal optimist (not really but I love that phrase) suggests to let it sit for 3 minutes so that it can make a full recovery and we wouldn't have to admit that we were fucked. Myself, being whatever the opposite of "eternal optimist" is, tell her that its retarded while I concoct my own plan. First, act casual, then quickly throw your key in the ignition and turn the key....interestingly enough the car wasn't in fact surprised by this move and was able to anticipate and annihilate my plans. After I finished my sandwich ( I am not a heathen after all) I call AAA. At this point, eye drops have been administered and I am putting my best "sober responsible" face. He arrives and I am 99% sure that this dude knows what's up but then again you don't get to be a tow truck driver in La Mirada without knowing some shit. He lets it slide, it was the battery of course, and yet again we set upon our path. Back on the road, we head to the land and of course hit traffic like it was LAX at Christmas or some shit. We finally get parked and head to Downtown Disney to make our movie.

It is at this point when I must admit something to you, kind reader. English and I were en route to seeing the Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience. Judge me if you will but I read a review that had one phrase that were to seal my fate, "giant foam fire hose" It should also be mentioned that we were with our dear dear friend, Jim. (Beam, obvious) So we sit in the back and luckily it wasnt packed nor were there too many screamers....actually most of them were cute...who would have thought? The movie was retarded, so, really mission accomplished. There was only really one section that is worth going into detail for.

Each of the Jonai (yeah, I am single....ladies?) were serenading in Central Park when we cut to shots of each of the boys in different CENTRAL PARK activities. We start with Joe who is wearing his best boy-bait lip tickler as "the cop", then we head over to lil' Nick who is the carriage driver (awww....a top hat...just like Tiny Tim!). Finally, we pan over to what we can only assume is Kevin entering some sort of bathhouse circa the 1970's. English whispers, I bet they have him as a hot dog vendor, immediately after which I start making some pretty PG-13 gestures. We laugh, the film pans in....to Kevin as literally a hot dog vendor. The director of that shit has a fucking serious funny bone to put the gay ugly Jonas in a situation with a lot of weiners. Exactly.


We survive the movie and head back to the car to see what happened to that kite I was flying (did I leave it in La Mirada?) (3) I decide to obliterate myself and English came along for the ride. After my car officially looked like the writer's room on an Apatow movie, we head back out to the park itself. I can't really include too many details but I am pretty sure it's safe to say that I think I ate some food....sucked at Buzz Lightyear (tragic) and well...I remember being on Indiana Jones and thinking that shit is literally UNCOMFORATBLE. I spent the entire time trying to keep my hip bones from being crushed under the weight of the seatbelt (4). I had some ice cream...that was a good time. We probably did some other shit but I was over it in a big way. So we call it a day


Driving back on the 5, I see a red and yellow sign calling like a siren at night. Yeah, so basically I stopped to get In-N-Out again. By the way, this whole time English has been keeping to general human nuitirition guidelines not the Homer Simpson school of nuitirition such as myself. Essentially I ate fast food in front of her....a couple times. Meh....so we head back, find the kite that I found again, watch some Ab Fab and then I call it a night.

We'll see how long this lasts....I'll try to add pictures to keep things interesting



1. The dude working the drive-thru had worked the last time we went to Disneyland, last sunday. I really hate when you go through a drive through or go to a restaurant enough that the people who work there recognize you. Its never friendly either...9 times out of 10 their exact thoughts are "Back again, fatty?" to which 9 times out of 10 my response is "Indeed I am"

2. My car's name is the Hitachi Magic Wand, which for those of you out of the loop is a popular vibrato.....cough cough personal massage wand. It got this name because it's essentially a vibrator on wheels.

3. There are going to be a lot of euphamisms on this blog...get used to it...if you are confused by something that I am saying then just assume that it's weed...moving on.

4. Why is it that no matter what size I am or what kind of safety restraints are involved, I cannot feel safe in theme park rides. Granted, I am almost always wearing black stretch pants which don't really offer much in the way of grip. But seriously either it's crushing my hip bones or it's a foot off of my body and I slip around. One time I was on Thunder Mountain wearing said pants, and as the train was going I found myself unable to stay seated, I kept on sliding down and so I put my knees against the cart to stabilize myself, to no effect. By the end of the ride by back was on the bench and I was squished up against the bar. The chick working the end of the ride told me oh so curteously that I should sit up....to which I respond that I cannot....ain't that some shit.