I just remembered this

I was looking through my list of facebook friends and whenever I do that I go "holy shit. that guy." and typically that's not a good thing.

I saw this guy and I flashed back to how I know him.

It was some sorority (yeah I was in one, I don't know if I have covered that before I know I will touch on that later) invite that I didn't have a date for. Big surprise there I think I had like 5 dates in 4 years (and you don't want to go to the quality not quantity because...just no). 

So on this particular eve I believe I was on Standards duty (briefly: fun police. People barf and then I fill out paperwork and ask them why it is that they fuck up) and a friendly sister decided to set me up. I basically said whatever. 

Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I didn't say whatever. I show up ready to do work by myself and Sister X tells me that these two dudes that she brought were ditched by their would be dates and they have to go with someone and this girl already had a date. OK whatever I'll sign them up under my name.

So I have two dates. One a short surly British Man the other a soft spoken nice guy whose eyes were kinda rapey through no fault of his own. 

They are drinking, I am not. We spend the entire night out on the patio with them chain smoking in my face. 

By the time we get back on the bus to go home, they are both wasted. British Surly guy tells me he likes me a lot and he wants to come to the next dance with me. (Imagine my reaction to that one. ) He then goes on to profess his love for his buddy/roommate in the typical "I love you man" vein..

Then he kisses the guy. On the mouth. It lingers.

And that was my night. 

dreamy

So hearing about people's dreams suck....

EXCEPT MINE!

I wanted to throw this out there to see if anyone can take a gander at my subconscious and perhaps decode this one:

I saw a young John Goodman and found him "striking".

These two dudes murdered two women but I played it cool and was like yeah...no big deal, totally not reporting this action. Then I realized it was okay since one of the murderees is that red haired girl from glee so when she didn't show up for filming they'd investigate.

I was walking outside on a pathway when I had to pee so I literally laid down on the sidewalk and peed (through my clothes) but since I wasn't standing no one noticed.

Then a sexy youth minister started giving me a back rub (unfortunately in a platonic way)

We went to his office and I hoped no one noticed the piss stain on my pants.

John Goodman. (should be noted he was in wrestling gear in my mind)

things that have happened to me that don't happen to other people.

one time I had to show the school nurse my vagina.

I think I was in elementary school but more towards the end than the beginning.

I slipped and fell off the monkey bars vag first onto a bar.

I had some extreme pain and there was something "afoot" in the general region.

So I showed my cooter to the school nurse.