Wednesday, March 11, 2009

CREEPO PT 2: The Neverending Story Uncut

So being inspired by the creepy theme for today (well all days really) I am going to just copy and paste some excerpts from emails/facebook posts I had received from a man we will call ACIDJACK.

This man I met while I was working on promoting a book he wrote and my teacher published for an independent study class. ACID JACK admitted to me that he used to take acid by the sheet, luckily this 60-something-year-old man is three months sober(ish...at least the hard stuff). He aparently sensed we had some kind of Woody/ScarJo effect and that simply was not the case. I tried to keep it at a professional/keep it light kind of a situation. That didn't work.

Here is the first email I got...the names have been changed to protect the innocent.


WONDERHAUER

I owe U a great big kiss and a hug for helpin PAUL and myself with the marketing projects and just sitting around with us. You may have noticed that I get hypoglycemic at 4pm daily and that when the moon is full (the moon is full) the hypoglycemia increases exponentially by parsecs (i don't truly understand what a parsec means in distance. If a tiny black sugar ant had to walk to Tijuana from Portland, that would be a parsec.) I (or i) (i and i) forgot what I was going on about. Oh, thanks a bunch. Sugar rules my life. I have to eat lots of fish and lays off the sugar. You will have a Pop Quiz on that. All students have Pop Quizzes, are you still a student? A student of life.

I took PAUL for a ride on my Harley-Davidson today. It's way fast. 88 cubic inches softail springer. I cut off 100 lbs at least by chopping the exhaust pipes so they are only about 12 inches long. My friend Mike says 'you're too old, your sixty years old, you will end up like a hamburger on the freeway.' What is to worry about at 60 years old. I went thru more baloney (a euphemism) in the last 2 months than other people experience in their entire lives. Nasty naughty baloney.

Did you ever see that Charles Bronson movie 'The Mechanic'. Just a thought I knew some guys who played football with him every saturday when he 1st hit Hollywood and he had that drawn rugged face and the Adonis marble body. He never talked much to anyone except he clobbered the hell out of everyone on the gridiron, then went home. He wasn't mean, he just had it all broiling inside of him. At least he wasn't gay like Rock Hudson. I didn't say there was anything wrong with gay people. I don't have any friends left living but if I did they would be whatever they damn well wanted to be.

Well thanks again WONDERHAUER. Life is still a Rocky Road around here and it must be astrological or alien abduction implants. MiniMicroSubAtomic Control Beings running our brains. You don't seem to have one yet. Wear a face mask and rubber gloves. Hell, that won't trick any MiniMicroSubAtomic Control Beings. Almond Horns at Canter's Deli can turn a sad day into a bright happy day.___Peace, Love and Almond Horns, ACID JACK



MANY MANY MORE TO COME

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