Friday, March 27, 2009

Manners: When is it okay to say cum dumpster in public?

Well technically, probably never.


Unless you subscribe to the Wonderhauer school of "I jus don give a fuh"


Storytime: So I was in a Ralphs foraging for some funfetti or maybe ice-cream, I don't really keep track of my nuclear leaning* nutritional habits, when I get in line at the self-checkout (amazing invention, totally circumvents the cashier experience, only con is that you miss out on any possible acrylic nail action). The line isn't too long but after about 3 min there is a bit of a traffic jam. I peer around the gentleman in front of me so as to see exactly what "the commotion" was. I feast my eyes upon 3 chicks in varying degrees of stripper-wear. We have classyslut who was mosly in sororstitute gear (shorty shorts, natural hair gel, etc), dumbslut who is wearing only forever21 and all the wrong items (ladies you know what I am talking about) and megaslut who literally looks like she was on her way back from the dayshift to hang out at a Greyhound bus station or some shit (I am quite clearly not as elegant and refined as she is so I couldn't really begin to follow her habits).

Here's the best part. So all three are each at a station and basically they finish up in terms of sluttiness (least to greatest) and we are left with the ho who even Vh1 reality dept rejected. She couldn't get her stack of crinkled one dollar bills into the machine.....so she could buy Popov Vodka....not even the kind they upgraded to glass bottles.



It was at this point where I start to get a bit miffed that they are taking up my precious time. My compadre says to me "Well that's what you get for dressing like that"

To which I respond, "No, that's what you get for being a cum dumpster."

We see the man in front of my rustle a bit then turn around slightly, enough to reveal his now tomato red face. How dare I offend his senses.


Moral of the story.....cum dumpster is a powerful word....so best not use it in any sort of family setting....or directed at a specific stripper/Ralph's cashier (think of the acrylics).

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