Lies

So, you should know. I am a liar. In the kinda fun party trick kind of way.

It could be said that my sense of morality is well...on a sliding scale.

In lower school I used to lie so much that my mom cried about it thinking that I would end up some kind of con man. Mostly it was because I realized from a very early age, how dumb people are. I told people I met the King of China.

Now its more of horrific lies designed to get a rise out of someone. Holy shit I was just raped and my foot has been severed by a rusty bear trap. JK. See how that works?


The reason that I am posting this is because in order to sufficiently fly kites as I wished, I decided that I was going to be sick that day. Since the cold/flu thing has lots of evidence you can call them and they will hear it in your voice. That's really more effort than I want to put in. Usually I go for either sinus infection (antibiotics kick in real quick!) or something so ridiculous that no one dare question it. I have actually already told them that I couldn't make it into work because I had pink eye. I had a couple days off for that one. "Well, it's almost all cleared up but I am just worried that I'll forget and touch my eye and then the keyboard and then we'll all be infected!"

It does indeed take a bold woman to tell someone that they see on a regular basis that they may or may not have fecal matter in or around their eye area.

So this time, I decided to capitalize on something that could very well have happened. I said that I fell down a flight of stairs.

I fell down a flight of stairs AFTER laughing at my friend (sorry fictional buddy for dragging you into my web of lies) who had just fallen. See people laugh and considering the source...immediately chalk it up to my god-given grace.

I then decided to figure out which ankle I twisted....and developed the slightest hint of a limp.


A day in the life.