Gather round the campfire kids....this is going to be a good one.
*this will make more sense as the story goes on*
So I decided to go to Third Street Promenade for some shopping (and they say I am not a philanthropist!) which as you may or may not know is home to every pushy motherfucker holding a laminated sign who wants to change the world. I have pretty much mastered the blow off because I became comfortable with the fact that in response to the question "Do you want to help sick children?" I say "No" and walk away to buy the clothes that those tiny little hands helped make (yeah I know, I already have a deck chair reserved in Hell levels 2-3 because that's where the fatties and the sluts hang out and we all know that's where the party is at)(1.). So I usually do fine, although one time I was ultra-annoyed and this Chinese woman came up to me and hadn't really even said anything but busted out that laminated sheet and I literally went "Ugh, NO, GOD!" pushed my Dior glasses up the bridge of my nose and kept on walking (I went to High School with Paris Hilton, what do you expect? There were crabs left on a seat on the bus we shared and they nested and have been whispering evil to me ever since...explains a lot). So on this day I had brushed this one dude off when I got a text but the tone sounds like a ringtone so I was like "Sorry, I HAVE to get this, it might be some urgent business matters." But on my way back to the parking lot I saw the same one again and there wasn't anyone walking near me so I couldn't use interference or anything. So I am walking up to him and he goes "Hey Princess, can I talk to you for a minute" to which I give the usual "Sorry" while in motion and here's where it gets interesting. He said "Wow, you have a sexy voice and look at those toes, like a princess"
Toe compliments?
Picture makes sense now doesn't it.
Let's evaluate this in more detail.
This man presumably has some sort of charitable ties (perhaps to a deposed King in Haiti or something) so this would be the opportunity to compliment someone to get them to talk to him. I GET IT. Sexy voice...okkaaaaayyy...maybe.
Toe compliments? What was he letting people know that he was a registered sex offender? Some kind of podiatric fundraiser? Well, let me tell you I hustled those toes past that fool because fuck that.
Let's also consider my situation. I was dressed fine, no makeup as I was straight from the gym, but here's the clincher. I was wearing these really horribly ugly chunky athletic flip flops and my toenails are painted like metallic stripper sky blue....and they're chipped...and I have ALL SORTS of blisters from my insane "walks." I mean I wasn't even wearing heels. WTF?
And since you were about to ask, no, this ISN'T the first time this has happened to me.
I was walking down the row (USC greek row...my own fault admittedly) and I was about to deposit some checks at the ATM when this gentleman (re: "local", re:re: "mexican") asked for the time. I am a charitable lady (as proven earlier) so I tell him the time and keep walking. He then turns around and says "Can I tell you something?" Believe it or not, I am actually too nice (except when in cars and well verbally to most people I like...in spirit I am nice) so I tentatively say yes. This is when he stares at my feet and says "Your toes are beautiful"
Wow, and they say I don't know how to take a compliment.
So in order not to scar you for life I will throw in something nice. As I was looking for a good pic of QT (not an easy task) there were a bunch with him and Robert Rodriguez. THAT IS A HOT SEXY MAN and he is with Rose McGowan (idk if they are still together...I am not sure about the existence of a God so I'll just go out on a limb and say yes). This is a lady who was going to marry Marilyn Manson who actually believes in the shit he is selling. This is also a lady who used to be hot in a ren-faire kind of a way but has since gotten into a "car accident" that "cut her eye with glass" (who's taking bets she used Usher's Tranny wife's Brazillian surgeon?). She looks like a burn victim. No, thank you. What's worse is that her vag (which lays golden eggs, I heard) is whispering evil secrets (Paris's crabs?) to him telling him that she should be seen on screen let alone in public. It's a good thing that the whole world responded with FUCK THAT when they announced that they were going to be remaking Barbarella with Rose in the lead. AANYWAYS let's enjoy the hotness and ignore/question/study the man grabbing methods of the fuggo at his side. Added one for solo hottness.
1. Shit son I looked up the levels of hell to make a point earlier and this is a sin that will get you in the first level of hell (Temecula?) aka limbo.....The sins of incontinence — weakness in controlling one's desires and natural urges — are the mildest among them, and, correspondingly, appear first. What the fuck sometimes you GOT TO GO!
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