Another scene from my life as an inappropriate child

I am and always have been a rule follower*

I am, snicker if you will, a good girl at heart.

Student Council, church camp, the whole nine.

Now, picture me in 2nd grade (yes, I was that cute and no I am not suddenly "less asian"...that phenom was based on what my interior decorator Andy told me. They're called Mongolian Eyelids thankyouverymuch).

There I am in class, minding my own business, when an announcement comes on over the PA.

ERIN TO THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

I am quaking in my saddle shoes but I head to the VP's office.

Also, who gets called to the VICE principal's office?

Anyways, I head in and the VP, Mr. Wales, sits at his desk looking furtively at me for a moment.

He then speaks.

"So I hear you do a Mae West impression"

1.) if you don't know who/what Mae West was then google accordingly watch some clips (cliffsnotes: brassy balls-y entendre-wielding hourglass old time-y comedy star)

2.) Do you really call a child into your office to force them to do comedy?

And first off, yes, OF COURSE I did a Mae West impression.

I did two of Mae's signature lines, he laughed and basically sent me on my way.

That's a cute story, sure, BUT the real issue is why the FUCK DID A 2ND GRADER HAVE A MAE WEST IMPRESSION?????

We all know I am not, nor was I ever, cool. So the fact that I did old-timey impressions doesn't really come as a shock.

It's really the fact that I was called into the office of a 40-something year old man and said the following two quotes:

"Why don't you come up and see me sometime" (obviously implying sex)

and here's the kicker

"Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

I ASKED IF A 40 YEAR OLD DUDE HAD A BONER FOR ME, A 2ND GRADE CHILD.

Did I even have parents?

*it doesn't count if the rule is utter bullshit and the authority the rule was based on is one I do not respect.