Yeah, I'm a lazy douche

So it's been more than a month since I have graced you with my lovely witicisms.

I am going to give you an excuse, not a reason, for my absence. I am lazy and then I saw that my "friend" (you know the person you call a friend but find yourself counting down till they leave your presence...if you're reading this it's probably not you) had a blog and I read like three lines of an entry and I rolled my eyes more times than when I read Cosmo (I was in the dentist's office cut me a fucking break) and I was like "do I sound like that?" "do I sound like that much of a douche bag?" It basically justified the whole lazy blogger (oxymoron?) fear and basically I wasn't going to stoop to that level. Two months later....


I realize that no matter how hard I may try (very, very hard) I will never be the douchebag he is and if I am, what are you doing reading this?

So basically the message is that I am back, bitches.

Wonderhauer, now with 90% more resolve!


I have a lot of back material to work with so batten down the hatches.


On a final note, what does it take to become a fitness celebrity? Can I just buy some airtime, wear spandex and commit to mono-syllabic speech punctuated with often completely unrelated, always forceful hand gestures? Speaking of raging narcissism, I got an email (actually two, because this bitch just didn't get the hint) from facebook saying, let's call her sumdumbitch, sumdumbitch suggests you become a fan of sumdumbitch. Literally asking me to be her fan? This girl who clearly comes from the home life that most american idol audition round "competitors" come from thinks, that despite having seriously tree trunk legs, she's going to be a model. What kind? Hand model?

I love how the only thing that our generation has to bind us all together is raging narcism and being easily amused. I think by being post-post-modern it's basically equivalent of fighting in a world war or inventing important shit. They may as well give up the search for the cure for AIDS because honestly, does anyone think we're going to last long enough for the world to see another generation of Heidi and Spencers? I hope not.