Feelings...ew

So I feel as though the path that has led me to my current life location has put me in quite a predicament.

I feel like Mariah Carey.


Wait....come back.


I am specifically referencing her racial background.

No don't call Sharpton. Nothing good can come of that.


She always said that being half black half white, she wasn't ever enough of either to really fit into either world.

While my whiteness is certainly undeniable, I would argue that it is having one foot firmly planted in the bizarre and one in the supremely mass consumption world of normal.


I am not weird enough to really hang with the unrepentantly weird. I like eurotrash music and britney spears and god help me because I don't go out of the house looking like death warmed over. I like to look cute, so fucking sue me mkay?


I can't hang with normal people since they immediately label me as cool (sometimes "too cool" which does give me a good laugh because I always thought I was a certain kind of cool but I figured that was like the homeless guy on the corner screaming at the Cheese King or whatever....that it was really my definition alone and that I was comfortable with that)

I really enjoy weirdness but the sorority thing coupled with the kind of family I came from (elegant and mature obviously) that basically keep me and my sensibilities firmly in the "I enjoy grooming and find no shame in over produced music" crowd.


It is a life I don't know that leads to anything aside from the creation of a unique one man path.


Sounds great. trail blazing sure I guess but ultimately I think I alienate both sides.


I have just decided (again) to you know "I gotta be me" thing and just count down the days till I am famous.


That's what this generation has become.

I am an iconoclast waiting for the icon bit.



Thank you that is all.