Today two children saw my vagina.

Now you might think that this either was an innocent accidental flashing in a changing room or locker room, but no. This story will test the bounds of your imagination.

It was a day like any other day. I had an OB/GYN appointment. They keep me waiting for almost 2 hours in typical fashion. When the nurse finally takes me to her station and does the old blood pressure, scale (this is a REALLY heavy sweater....) routine and she says "The doctor has some students with him today. Is it alright if they are in the room for the exam?"

I say fine, who cares.

So I get into the exam room, have my exam wardrobe (aka 2 toilet seat covers strategically placed) on and I wait for the doctor.

Knock Knock!

Doctor walks in, hi how are you...

and what follows

are a 13 year old red head girl and a 10 yr old Asian girl with braces.

It should also be noted that my legs were in the stirrups all ready to go and when the doc walked in he was like oh sorry and pulls out an extension on the exam table so I can rest my legs.

At this point, I am very confused as to why there are children and I also feel slightly perverted because of the whole "already having my legs in stirrups" thing.

OK, I calm down and think okay maybe they aren't going to get up close and personal with me.

Doc goes to do the breast exam and I am like

"Okay this is happening"

Boobs out. Oh, it was happening.

Fine, boobs no big deal. Even though Doc referred to a self breast exam technique as "mowing the lawn"

It's time now for the serious business.

I figure the kids will move or leave or SOMETHING since they are standing just over the shoulder AKA Mezzanine seats to my lady show.

They. don't. leave.

I literally start laughing as he starts the exam. My arms are covering my face and no words can describe what I was thinking aside from the words "Larry David doesn't have a vagina"

The exam went as usual and I sit up after its done and answer a few final questions.

The Doctor says thank you and turns to go, then the girls look alternately at me and at the floor and say "Thank you"

CHILDREN.

SAW.

MY.

COOTER.

In times of yore, I would have said "Is Dom Deloise hiding in a bush somewhere?" but now I think it would change to "Is Ryan Seacrest hiding in a closet somewhere?" and honestly I really don't want Seacrest to jump out at me ever, so I'll just leave this latest chapter in the Mortification Files as it is.

Thank you and I, as always, am Judge Reinhold.